Sally (Sally7676)

[sally7676]

General Information

Full Name: Sally Anne Sean
Age: 11
Gender: Female
Height:
Weight:80 pounds
Hair Color and Style: Black and curly. Two words, Hip and Beautiful
Eye Color:[glow=brown,2,300]Brown[/glow]
Build: She use to have very light skin, but cause of the scorching sun it is now light brown. She always plays with her little sister, in the sun, her sister has kind of the same skin tone. Always thinking for her sister, their parents trusted them they are going to be fine and the passed over. Grandparents died when they are 8/7. Thin around the hips just like a hour glass, i guess
Clothing: Wears light pink mini skit and light red shirt with hot pink jacket. Wears white sockes and pink stripes shoes with hot pink background. Light peach skin tone, a very girly pokemon trainer. Has long wavey black hair with browish redish streaks
Personality: Likes to use pokemon's type avantages, like water-fire. If want to catch pokemon, use very affective moves but not fainting ones. Then chipp thier Hp down with normal moves like false swipes. If not wanted exp. is always wanted. Use VERY effective moves, escially one-shot-K.O. moves. If not K.O.ed use move again until faints. Harsh pokemon wanted, if i can't decide, i'll test it, using my best moves against it. If it doesn't faint i'll take it. If it does i won't take it. I might sound heartless, but yea.

A really girlly girl usually cares about myself because parents died. Has lots of initiative for herself. Can be over-joyed or really hypo because of the love for sugar! She can earn money even if she is only 13. Could be really sad sometimes and maybe cry a little when lost to a battle.}
History: When she was small about 5-7 her parents died and she went to live with her gparents. Until they also died when she was 9-10. The house went all gloomy since then until a Wild Sursket broke into her house it was friendly and didn't miss up anything so Sal gaved some pokeblocks that their gparents has. They always say that a Sursket will come and we will gave it food. After a few days the Sursket got used to Sal.

She chose to be a pokemon trainer because she was inspired by the Sursket. Her parents used to say Sal has a long lost big sister instead of liking pink she loved red. She made a promise that she will find her sister! Thats why she wanted to be a pokemon trainer!

Pokemon

Starter Pokemon:None
Party Pokemon:None
PC Pokemon:None

Inventory

Pokeballs:None
TM/HMs:None
Evolution Items:None
Hold Items: None
Berries: None
Medicines: None
Battle Items: None
General Items: None

Money:$0.00

[sally7676]

is it ok Ayra? It took me ages.

[Ayra Calaenlen]

Alright, no one's going to be 1.52 cm high, that would make you shorter than a ruler. Using my brother as reference eleven-year-olds usually average around 4.5 feet to 5.0 feet for a few of the taller ones. Therefore, you may want to make the weight a bit more too, maybe around 75 lbs to even 85 lbs.

Always thinking for her sister, their parents trusted them they are going to be fine and the passed over. Grandparents died when they are 8/7. Been (5-7)

^ The first line of this should go in personality, and the second line in history. I don't know what the Been (5-7) it though. Seeing you have to move these two sentences I need three more to replace them in build (you were one sentence short to start with). Maybe talk about if your character is skinny, is she a bit on the heavier side; what does her body look like, is it hourglass shaped meaning she gets thinner and then wider again at the hips?

Has long wavey black hair with browish redish streaks

^This should go under Hair Color and Style, not Clothing. That means you need to add two more sentences to Clothing as well (you were one short to begin with). Paragraphs here are five - seven sentences.

Likes to use pokemon's type avantages, like water-fire. If want to catch pokemon, use very affective moves but not fainting ones. Then chipp thier Hp down with normal moves like false swipes. If not wanted exp. is always wanted. Use VERY effective moves, escially one-shot-K.O. moves. If not K.O.ed use move again until faints. Harsh pokemon wanted, if i can't decide, i'll test it, using my best moves against it. If it doesn't faint i'll take it. If it does i won't take it. I might sound heartless, but yea.

^You know roleplaying is done in third person on Lanorae, not first. Third person is words like 'she', 'he', ect, and you mention your character's name. Don't say 'I like' say 'She likes' or 'Sally likes'. If you could please change those 'I's' to third person.

A really girlly girl usually cares about myself because parents died. Has lots of initiative for herself. Can be over-joyed or really hypo because of the love for sugar! She can earn money even if she is only 13. Could be really sad sometimes and maybe cry a little when lost to a battle.}

In the age category it says Sally is only 11, here you say she's 13, change it to one or the other. And change hypo to hyper, I don't think she's a hypo condriact (sp?).

You also need another paragraph or so in History, really, it's kind of vague. Where did Sally grow up? What were her parents' names? Stuff like that. A really excellent is Shen in the accepted characters, maybe you should go check him out for and idea of what information you should put in history.

One other thing, can you please not bold everything and run it together? Maybe put spaces or just bold the things like 'Name', 'Height', 'Weight', stuff like that? It was really hard to find everything for one category because I kept thinking it was of the next one.

It may seem like a lot but you're on the right track. Fix these things and I'll go over it again. You may also want to hit the spell check button and read this over yourself. I see a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes, such as 'wavey' should be 'wavy'.

[sally7676]

now?

[Ayra Calaenlen]

Now you don't have a height. You still need one so look it up if you don't know how tall your character should be for her age and weight.

You still have that she always thinks of her sister and her parents trusted her and her grandparents died. The first line goes in personality the second in history. Replace it with two more sentences for build.

You didn't move the fact that she has long, wavey black hair with reddish streaks up to hair color and style either. You still need to do that and add two more sentences to clothing.

In personality you're still using first person, we roleplay in third person here. Please change yours 'I's to she, her, ect.

You never changed the 13 in history to 11 either, please fix that.

In history you need another two setences for the second paragraph and still need to write a third paragraph.

Again, can you please not bold everything? Just bold the titles of each section.

Really the only thing you really changed was take the height out. You still need the height and treat what I'm telling you like a checklist. Don't ask me to check it again until you read what /I/ wrote and correct the things I'm telling you to.